16 October 2008

*Sigh* The world's longest blog entry....

So Miss Chloe has gotten in trouble up to her ears, for real this time and I can't save her. With policies and administration changes over the summer she has found herself expelled from school. They warned her, I warned her, we ALL warned her... but here we are. Because this is a violation of her informal probation she will be put on formal probation and ordered to take correspondence classes through BY and try to obtain her credits so that she can return to school in Jan. I promised that I would help her through as much as I could. So because she is in trouble she is basically grounded from breathing which at 16 is like I stabbed her, blah. So any way, she has been sleeping at her grandmother's house ( her dads mom) for the last three nights because that is where her dad is staying until his house is finished. She eats breakfast and gets ready for school there and then her dads girlfriend drops her off at school at 8, I pick her up at 2:30 and she stays with me and eats dinner and then they pick her up between 7:30 and 8 pm. So she called me tonight and said that her dad said that if I didn't go down to the court house and tell them that he didn't owe child support anymore because she is staying with him then she wasn't allowed to stay anymore (no, there really are parents out there that use the kids to run their own agenda). I told her that I would not discuss child support with her and that I would be happy to talk to her dad if he would like to discuss anything. She was furious because she wanted to make sure that she could continue to stay with him. We also discussed the fact that she does not have to hate me to love him, or hate it here to want to spend time there, or hate her siblings here to love her other ones at her dads. I think that it was causing some issues and I do hope that she understands. We all love her and she is allowed to love all of us. Back to the thing with her dad, he is VERY far behind with child support, how much exactly I am unsure, and there is nothing that will change the amount that he already owes me. I have been up trying to ponder what exactly I was going to say to him to make the most fair situation possible. I understand that he has been burned since his older daughter spent 6 months at his house just to turn around and go back home and her mother is taking him back to court for the support that he owes while she was there. I am not HER mother... I know how to be fair and I would rather talk things out and come to an agreement than to fight or go to court. That never makes anyone happy. So this is what I wrote up, not for legal reasons but for a jumping off point for negotiations, I NEED some opinions, although this will be read long after the discussion I am sure. So here is what I wrote:

8 am – approx. 8 pm during which she spends 6 ½ hours at school
Approx. 8 pm – 8 am during which she spends at least 6 ½ hours sleeping
Every other weekend and regular holiday schedule.
I agree to:
Continue to fight to get her state medical insurance, which can be used by both parents.
Take her to all probation meetings, court dates and medical appointments.
Pick her up from the alternative school every day at 2:30 pm.
Feed her dinner before she is picked up.
Tutor her in all of her homework including Algebra II.
Return all of her text books to Logansport High School so there will be no charge.
Make sure that she has notebooks, pencils, pens, etc. for school.
Continue to work with the school in obtaining a work permit.
If and when Chloe gets a job, she will be taken to work.
You need to:
Make sure that she gets to the alternative school every week day at 8 am.
Feed her breakfast and give her an opportunity to make a lunch.
Have a place for her to sleep that is not on the floor.
Give her the necessary space for her to shower and wash clothing.
If and when Chloe gets a job, she may or may not need picked up during this time.
To avoid court and attorney fees for both parties:
Week 1- Rod agrees to go into the Cass County Court building, pay directly to Suzan Hodges-Woodke the amount of $80. In return, when the money is received, the money will be returned to Rodney Scott and he will in turn use the same money to pay for the next week. This will keep from any other money’s from ever being needed to be paid. This will keep an arrearage from being formed during the duration of Chloe’s stay and also keep any support from being paid. In this agreement both parties have equal time and no support is paid by either parent. Probation fees will be split evenly between both parents until such time that Chloe is employed and will owe the money back to each parent since the fees are her responsibility.

I am not Norma, I have never taken you to court and the only time that support was ever raised in 16 years was once when you requested that I go to the court house before Norma so that she did not receive that much more in support. I have never kept your daughter from you or you from her. Every time that she has requested to call, she has. I have always been fair and again, this agreement is fair to both parties and costs nothing, to any one. I promise to alert you of any problems that Chloe is having with school or any probation requirements, such as community service and I expect the same from you. With the support check that was sent on the 1st of October, Chloe’s out-of-school suspension fees were paid. I have never made it about the money; I just needed you to be her dad. I am sure that this will need revised as the occasion arises, for such things as moving into the house on 20th St, and Chloe’s return to regular school. I am always available if there is a problem, either at my home number or my cell number. I would like to be allowed to call Chloe if necessary.

Honestly, it is the same money swap game that we played with Jonathan for over 2 years and it works. I know that this is not what he requested but to be honest I told him several years ago that I would call the courthouse and find out if I could stop the support and the only way is attorney's and a judge, OR he and I would have to get married. That last one wouldn't happen if hell froze over, but I don't mind being friends with him and the first alternative is not anything that either of us can afford. I tried to be as fair as humanly possible. I hope that he can see that. What do you think??

*side note: Yes, this is the same dad that for her 16th birthday he told her that Danny should adopt her and that he never wanted to see her again....

*second side note: this is also the same amazing little girl that I have been head over heals in love with since the moment I first saw her.... and whom tells me that she hates me every day....


mommy2two said...

You made me cry.
Chloe, the REAL chloe is hiding underneath this crazy teenager. I can feel it.
She does love you, she just doesn't know how to see through herself right now to see it.
You're an amazing mother, and the strongest women I know, I could not have a better bff :D
As for that agreement, dude's a complete idiot in the first place for thinking his arrear will just 'disappear'. I am hopeful that he'll see that technically, you could rape him for his soul for his stupid neglect in caring or supporting his daughter, but in stead, you're being reasonable, and MORE then fair.
I love you. more then you know.

The Penguin Family said...

The agreement seems more than fair to me but I also have a deadbeat dad on the other end and they always think that there is one more way to manipulate their way out of paying anything. So even when there is a great deal in front of their face, they won't take it. They are just so sure that their line of one million excuses for not paying will convince a judge to forgive their debt. We've been paying $400/month in attorney's fees to get $100/month in child support (not counting the amount he is behind after 2 years). Since this is ridiculous, I requested Hannah's dad to just drop his pursuit of more custody (to eliminate his child support) and I would release him of his child support obligation. This puts more money in everyone's pocket. I pointed out that in one month's time, he would have enough to take Hannah to Disney. In a year, all his house payments would be covered. Of course, he didn't take the deal. He's probably thinking the judge will give him custody even though he has a history of sexual misconduct. In his mind, he could make me pay him. Hahaha That's what's wrong with the situation....his mind!!!